Jan 11, 2009

Key learnings Of A bachelor

Living in Mumbai for last two years I have learnt  a few lessons from my bachelor life here are a few of the points :

  • Never try to Iron your clothes while watching cricket match; especially 20-20
  • jira apart from being a bug tracking tool, is also a spice.
  • Buy socks of the same colour; saves time in morning
  • A man can cook, sweep, wash and iron clothes but its washing socks that compells him to marry
  • You might listen your friends saying "We cook at home " .Dont be fancied by this idea and take risk of cooking; always remember "maggie" rocks
  • Be convinced, that just like cooked is better than Raw food; its at it best when it get a slightly overcooked (most of the time burnt in my case)
  • Prime use of nail cutter is to open beer bottles
  • Always Explain and make it clear to friends that you have decorated your room this way and Its "Grunge Theme". Perhaps webs on the corners are a natural way of getting rid of insects.
  • Tip: If you shave properly people will assume you have taken a bath too .
  • Parle G tastes awesome in the middle of night with tea.
  • One should keep good terms with watchman and maids . One lets you in late in night, other gives you useful information about girls of society like who is single who is not and who has broken up recently.
  • last one :
Milk turns Light green after a week .

Jan 7, 2009

Most Overused phrases/words by Media in year 2008


Got back at my seat and tried to recollect all words that keep me haunting every now and then when i try to swap channels . So here is a list of my observation of the past one year .

Special Mention
After the famous debate on Maharashtra + bhaiya vs maharashtra - bhaiya , reporters chanted two words very frequently . Congress remains quiet , Bjp Remains quiet . The only person to speak is Laloo who has no vote bank in Maharashtra . Our News Readers spoke "Bhaiyya" or "marathi manoos" every now and then there are disscussions being setup , local people are being interviewed and what not.
"Bhaiyya " and "Marathi manus " and have qualified for the tenth place
...but seriously dude where is Raj thackrey these days.

Bhajji praised Symonds and it created a huge controversy here is a glimpse "
do we know for sure... or maybe the Question procter asked Bhajji...

Procter : Do you pleade guilty to the charge of calling Symonds "Monkey"
Bhajji : No, it was a normal conversation
Proctor : And you speak
"Monkey" in normal conversation..?
Bhajji : I only said "Maa Ki " , perhaps
i cannot insult a Monkey .
Proctor : Enough
Procter : Did SRT hear
Bhajji call Symonds "Monkey"
SRT : No, it was a normal conversation
Proctor : Bhajji is guilty ; Pay 1 million $ as fine
bhajji : thats tooo
much
Proctor : Then you will have to kiss Symonds and shake hands with him
Bhajji : You want that as cash or cheque





i am not getting into what was wrong or write ,i have read the e-mails of complaining monkey and similarities between symonds and monkey , but we are not racists after all , and maa ki is so very easy for indians to speak. this place goes to "Maa ki "


Third
Up in the list comes another Extraordinary phase that is now almost set in every ones subconsious " yeh dekhiye " / "aap dekh sakte hain "....and Award for most repreatedly using this word goes to INDIA TV ..they will show a news of two minutes that was stupid and strech it upto half an hour . Firstly you see the video of how it was done , then that news reader gives you the same jist , then he talks to a correspondant who gives you the same news , then he says "we have a gentleman standing next to us who has also been watching this scene .....blah blah " , then we are again shown the same video now with subtitles on the left .
My my my .What could be the best add in break .....सर दर्द...सिर्फ एक saridon.

Second
I think you might have guessed this word by now , even if you havnt once you read it you will say "वही तो मैं भी कह रहा था " ;you watch any news channel at 9 pm and sit back and count the number of times they say the word "sansanikhej" & "vaardaat" .
here are a few exerpt :




"आज तक ने किया सनसनीखेज खुलासा ..आप एकदम आसानी से देख सकते हैं, ऐश ki aaj की काया, और एक साल पहले की काया मैं ज़मीन आसमान का फरक हैं ..क्या ऐश माँ बन्ने वाली हैं ..बच्चन परिवार में आने वाली है नई पीढ़ी"

"दो बदमाश जो motorcycle की बैठ क़र आए थे उन्होंने इस वारदात को अंजाम दिया . नॉएडा के सेक्टर २३ में हुई येः वारदात। पुलिस ने थामी है चुप्पी , बड़ी ही शर्मनाक है येः वारदात ।"
" इस शर्मनाक हादसे को लेकर पूरे प्रशासन में मची है सनसनी "

"आज तक की सनसनीखेज वारदात : पुरी सील पैक बोतल पेट में १० दिन तक ? "

i remember a dialog in the movie Oye Lucky Lucky oye "अरे यार सनसनीखेज मैं कितनी बार बोलूँगा. अब तो येः हाल है, घर में बीवी पूछती है खाने कैसा बना है तोह मेरे मुँह से निकल जाता है "सनसनीखेज़"."


First

And the first Place Goes to...... Breaking News

How ever there has never been anything that can break the normal schedule , फेव of such Breaking news were

" एलियंस को पसंद है हिमेश का संगीत "

"बिल्लो रानी चढी छज्जे पे "

"अमिताभ को लगी सर्दी "





Who calls that a breaking news ,So that how it goes. I pray to god that we get to see something new and better and in short some news this year